Message Base Name: Story Board (1988)
Message Base #2



Story
Brett
Mon  4-Jan-88

John says "wait, wait, what the
hell is that supposed to mean?
What is Doug babbling about now?"
The poultry salesman says "he's
just an idiot. Can never keep up
with the story. He probably needs
to rent a chicken."
"ah" says John. "Well, he is
definitely annoying."
"yes. So, now, what's the deal with
this waitress who used to have a
boyfriend who liked some kind of
steak?"
"ah. We really aren't sure about
her. She seems to not be playing
with a full deck."
"either that or she doesn't have
enough chickens in the coop."
"she probably doesn't have a coop."
"think she'd want to rent one?"
John shrugs. "who knows?"
"hey, waitress," says the salesman,
"ya wanna rent a coop?"
The waitress responds...



Story
DREW IVAN
Mon  4-Jan-88

The waitress responds "What kind of
girl do you think I am?"  The gang
looks at one another sheepishly and
realizes that their entire story has
become confused and it's time to
regroup...No one seems to know
exactly what's going on, so it is
necessary for some heroic writer to
salvage the story line so that people
won't be to confused to add to the
story.  Lo and behold!  Here's DI
with the solution:

As the plane landed and JP and gang
faced the evil S.W.I.N.E. people, the
pilot said "Aha!  SWINE people, let's
get outta here."  And with that he
pulled the plane up into a steep
climb and few away...All the pressure
and pummling which occurred in the
cabin as the plane careened away from
the swineguys caused everyone
(including the pilot) to become
unconscious.

At this point the daring writer
realized that his message was
becoming too long, and decided to
continue it in the next one.


Continuation
DREW IVAN
Mon  4-Jan-88

When everyone woke up, they found
themselves in a smouldering wreck of
an airplane.  There were somewhere in
the harsh jungles of Poland.  John
looked around.  He saw the pilot, the
poultry salesman, the waitress (who
was wearing a tag which said "LOLA"),
and no one else.  Where had everyone
gone?  Wait!  There was a faint echo
of a capella reggae music
outside...He emerged from the smoking
plane -- It was Maurice Santini!  His
good buddy!  Wow What luck.
John: "Maurice!  What are you doing
here?  What's going on."
Maurice: "Eh, mon, eet is like dis
huge iron bird fell outta da sky and
started a-smokin', so I play my music
for it, mon."
John: "Huh?"
Maurice: "Mon, geet yor head on
straight.  You done crashed in de
jungles of Poland, mon.  You in beeg
trouble.  Der be natives heer who
talk reel funny, mon.  You better git
yer friends and follow me to da..."


Continuation
GEORGE SHIRLEY
Tue  5-Jan-88

follow me to the Polish Pirates
Hideout, Mon! He be scary in the DI
face, but he real nice, Mon! So the
S.W.I.N.E. VICE followed Maurice.
When they got there they saw naked
women everywhere! One of the
S.W.I.N.E. ran over to one and
started to............

          -george shirley


?
DOUG GILLESPIE
Tue  5-Jan-88

fondle her firm slender wild body.
She was delicate but with
unbelievable strength from living and
surviving in the jungle all her life.
 In a split second she put the agent
into a hold that paralized him and
sent incredible pain through every
nerver of his body.  It was the
deadly ball cruncher back breaker
hold.  Before he died he gave out a
desparate groan" ru..n...."
They turned to run but the women were
on them in two seconds....


The Story
Ml
Tue  5-Jan-88

    Continued Next Message 

The girls got Maurice, the Salesman,
John and the rest of the crew in this
hold.  As John was slowly hanging on
to his life he closed his eyes, where
his whole life began flashing in
front of his eyes.  Then he sees his
presidency campaign race where he was
debating with Independent candidate
Harold D'Vinci.  During this debate
John announced his F.P.B.M. policy
(Free Public Breath Mints) and then
remembered that he didn't brush his
teeth this morning.  John then opens
his eyes and says, "Y'know what
you're doing really hurts" right into
her face.  The Woman passes out from
John's horrible breath.  John then
strts blowing his bad breath all over
each and every woman until they're
all passed out.  John and the gang
run as fast as they can out of the
"Hideout" to the U.S.S.R. polish
embasy.  But wait, the Soviets don't
have an embasy in Poland.  Why should
they?  They practically run the


The Story
Ml
Tue  5-Jan-88

country now!  Oh wait!  It can't
be! They're running to the Soviet
Kremlin! But wait, we almost forgot
about Otto Schmidt the KGB agent, one
of John's crew members...
So, as they arrive at the Soviet
Union Otto takes them to...


The Story
PHIL SHEPLEY
Tue  5-Jan-88

    None other than Gorbechev's
secret twin brother, Gorbocough.
Before John entered he remembered he
didn't want to kill the Russki with
his mongo-bad breath. He went up to
the 'Local Yokel' and bought a
six-pack of breath(in U.S.S.R
pronounced 'Bdrdrdreath') buddies.
Gorbocough was waiting for him in his
secret home in some secret city
somewhere secret. As Gorbocough still
passed after whiffing Johns still-bad
breath, he quoted from Socrates
"Should've taken Sucrets". O'ell John
mumbled as he began to walk away. But
as he turned around, he noticed
something strange on Gorbo's head.
The little Birthmark (that amazingly
resembled Alaska) began to...

  Note--- Notice the well-crafted,
comedic resemblance between
'Secret','Socrates', and 'Sucrets'
and read this portion again. It makes
it a hell of a lot.. mmm.. 


The Story
Ml
Wed  6-Jan-88

to disappear and reappear...Then John
realized that he was blinking because
the Breath Buddies were making him
drowsy.  Afterwards Otto met up with
John and said, "Its cool, comrade!  I
got us a plane outta here!"
They flew back to the P.I.G. (Private
Intelligence Group) Headquarters
where they got their hands on some
new communicators.  John speaks into
the communicator, "Beam me up,
Sammy."
After they're beamed up to the U.S.S.
Archibald they.....


The Story
DREW IVAN
Wed  6-Jan-88

Find space pirates ravaging the ship.
Aparently, the crew forgot to turn on
the ship's automatic defense system,
and the pirates had an opportunity to
overtake the ship.

"Arrrr..." snarled the pirate
captain, "Now, uv gut ye...Yer gow-in
t' take me t' yer cam-pain
hed-korders. Ye'll show me yer
tresure there, won't ye?  Coz if ye
try an' jerk me aroun', ye'll git a
nasty visit with me first mate
that'll make yer en-kounter wi' them
jungle-wenches seem like kidsplay."

John was not happy.


The Story
DOUG GILLESPIE
Fri  8-Jan-88

He should learn to lock the ship when
he goes out.  Well, anyway by this
time the breath mint had worn off and
Johns breath was as bad as ever.  In
fact the russnick mints had made it
worse.  John took a deep breath and
gave a good exhale into one of the
pirates faces.  But as you know,
pirates have such bad breath that it
only singed his beard a little.
He stopped, stood back and
said"AYE MATEY, YER WANTER PLAY ROUGH
AYE??"  He gave John a shot of his
own breath and knocked him over.
John quickly jumped up and the whole
Polka crew attacked the pirates with
their breath!  The pirates breathed 
back!  The air was terrible!  The
windows fogged up so badly that the
pilot could not see where he was
going.  "Captian!  Radar is
malfunctioning and we're heading for
a meteor storm!  I need visual
navagation!"  Then the ship started
to shake from the pounding of
meteors!


The Story
Ml
Fri  8-Jan-88

Well, John and his crew was at the
mersy of the "pirates".  John then
asks, "What is it you want anyways?"
"We want food, a place to take a
shower, and some new clothes."
"Ok." John then tells '86 (AKA Lee
Louden), the ship's cook, to bake 54
pizzas to feed the pirates and the
crew.  John then gets them a change
of clothes and allows them to dirty
up his bathroom.  2 hours later, the
pirates are all cleaned up.  John
then asks the head pirate, "What do
they call you anyways?"
"We're the Boat Weirdos."
"Please to meet ya!"
"Where's our food?"
John yells into the kitchen...."Hey
'86 where's our food?"
"Oh, man, that's stooopeeed man, like
I had to phone for Domino's."
Then there's a knock at the space
ship.
"in comes a Domino's guy carrying 54
pizzas."
John pays for the pizzas and the Boat
Weirdos dive in!
After they were all done 
the boat weirdos....


The Story
DREW IVAN
Sat  9-Jan-88

Thanked John for the Pizza and left.
Unfortunately, the cost of the pizzas
had pretty much wiped out JP's
campaign fund.  John called a meeting
of all the crew members to decide
what to do.


title
DOUG GILLESPIE
Sun 10-Jan-88

They decided to get more pizza.


title
GEORGE SHIRLEY
Tue 12-Jan-88

But they had no money so they ate
the dogs and cats in sight!


title
aj
Tue 12-Jan-88

At least that's how George Shirley
rationalized his bizzare action of
eating a dog whom he thought was
Madonna.


STORY
Brett
Wed 13-Jan-88

After eating the dog, George burped,
thanked the Vietnamese family that
had prepared the entree for him,
and went on his way...



STORY
JIM NORRIS
Thu 14-Jan-88

Picking his teeth with a left over
toenail from the dog's paw.


STORY
aj
Wed 20-Jan-88

George felt really sleepy after his
big meal so he went home and crawled
into his bed and fell asleep.  It
wasn't long before George began
dreaming about John Polka,
S.W.I.N.E., The Boat Weirdos
(pirates), P.I.G., Maurice Santini,
Breath mints, the Archabald, Russia,
the "jungles" of Poland, and the
Amazon woman.  A day and a half went
by before George awoke with a start
reached for the phone, dialed
frantically, and in a voice filled
with terror said,"..........


STORY
Ml
Wed 22-Jan-88

"Hello Crisis hotline, my bed is
wet."
A voice on the other end replies, "Th
(then) dry it out."
"Well, I had a bad dream..."